That’s right, they’re not going to investigate problems at grass roots, a lack of qualified coaches, facilities, etc, but they believe a quick fix, with qualification for Euro 2012 on the horizon, will be to use mobile cranes during games to physically move players that are out of position so that a repeat of the Germany game won’t occur again.

Glen Johnson has already been earmarked as a player that simply cannot go 90 minutes without switching off and day dreaming about the best way to steal toilet seats, so the FA are to begin Beta testing with the Liverpool fullback.

Manchester United have been assured that Wayne Rooney’s game will only be supplemented by his (heavyweight) mobile crane during England matches as the FA know that he only performs for teams managed by puce-faced, wrigley’s chewing, watch-pointers.

Umbro are expecting to profit from replica models of England’s mobile cranes and are looking to collaborate with toy manufacturer Mattel in time for Euro 2012.

Breaking News:

It had been speculated that Prince William was set to pop the question when it was revealed from a Royal insider that two days in early June – the 3rd and 4th – were blocked out in the Palace diaries.

After months of speculation the rumours were today confirmed to LetsTalkMore.co.uk from a Royal source and an official announcement is set to be made imminently.

Speculative stories and blog posts have surfaced in the last few days, but no official statement has been made.

With England building up to the start of the World Cup in South Africa, and the sun shining at last, the feel good factor is set to continue when the official announcement takes place in the next few days.

Businesses are set to cash in on merchandise sales with supermarket chain, Asda, stocking up on Royal mugs to commemorate the occasion.

As Prince William has a busy schedule ahead, including the completion of his RAF helicopter search-and-rescue pilot training, the likelihood is that the Royal wedding will take place next year.

There are various businesses that will specialise within this particular area, and therefore selecting one is not easy. Should you be in charge of health and safety, you ought to choose health and safety consultants which make training useful. For many this may seem out of the question. However, if you devote plenty of time searching, you’ll discover the right consultants.

Whatever industry you’re employed within, health and safety is important. It might seem that sectors like construction or manufacturing may need this advice most. Nevertheless it is not true. Service sectors need to put money into getting high quality health and safety consultants. Once more, the office environment may well not seem that hazardous or in actual fact intriguing, yet a zealous teacher will provide inspiration to all your staff members.

There are lots of parts of health and safety, such as fire risk assessments that need attention. Making use of professionals to help with teaching your employees might lower expenditures and make the procedure a lot quicker. Most significantly, a highly skilled instructor can make any staff members really feel serious about learning. As soon as they know how vital this part of work is, they will no longer find the subject of no fascination.

The World Wide Web is a wonderful way to find professionals that will cater for your business and your budget. A good site will tell you all you need to learn regarding using the services of high-quality teachers for your company. A little bit of time spent researching will create a safer environment for your employess to work in.

The study showed that contact lens treatment is much safer, with surgery offering three times more risk of complications and likelihood that further surgery will be required.

Gone are the days of coke-bottle-NHS-issue-glasses as contact lenses will continue to grow as the popular treatment for child cataract conditions.

Intraocular lenses remain the popular choice for older children and big children (adults) but this valuable research means less children will have to face surgery to cure cateracts.

Let me explain, with the emergence and ever increasing popularity of online virtual worlds such as Second Life, the integration of real with virtual will continue to progress , heck, aside from creating the look and personalisation of your Avatar, you can already create an image for yourself as in real life!

You can kit yourself out in the latest Converse Allstars, colour-coded with your outfit, of course;  design your own pair of Reeboks, and shop at American Apparel. You’re advertised to by global brands such as IBM, Dell, Vodafone, Apple, Sony and NBC and the level of interaction is continuing to grow.

Aside from clubs, galleries, sports stadiums etc there are already Second Life cinemas for you to catch a movie, so how long until you can watch the latest blockbuster in Second Life instead of having someone kick the back of your chair at your local cinema? How long until this reality within virtual reality becomes a reality?

Yes, it’s true. Thousands of people around the world found themselves trapped on holiday. With airports closed they had no choice but to turn around and return to their villas.

Better still, if they kicked up enough of a fuss, someone would get guilt tripped into paying for it. It might be the government, or perhaps the airlines – hell even Santa Claus would do, but one thing was for sure – it wouldn’t be them if they could help it.

And so we were treated to the pictures of a distressed woman sitting in the pool wailing at her plight of having to take a whole week of work. Cue millions of shoes all across Britain flying towards the television screen.

Of course I’m being unfair. Some genuinely have struggled to make ends meet, but even so, it’s hardly Haiti is it?

Meanwhile in Britain, the news went into overdrive. Every reporter worth his salt headed towards a port or an airport to speak to various distressed holiday makers. The election took a back seat as indeed did anything else that happened in the entire world.

Where this leaves us, who can say, but the high jinxed media frenzy surrounding delays caused by a natural disaster says a great deal for our capacity for piffle.

Is the Bond franchise finished? It’s an unthinkable thought, but news has emerged today that the latest installment is on hold indefinitely.

The reason it appears seems to be uncertainty over the future of MGM. A statement from producers Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli said that continuing uncertainty over the sale of the studio meant production would have to be postponed.

The latest installment is had been due for release in either 2011 or 2012. However with this latest news there is no knowing when Bond fans might get their next glimpse of 007.

It is of course not the first time that the future of James Bond had been in doubt. Despite scoring at the box office, Die Another Day, the last of Pierce Brosnan’s four outings, was mauled by critics and fans alike.

However, Daniel Craig, arriving like a white knight, salvaged the franchise and, with a bold new look, the series looked set to go on forever.

Despite these problems there is no reason to panic – not yet at any rate. Bond will surely survive this blip, but it’s sobering to think even the world’s best spy is not immune to the credit crunch.

Last night history was made – apparently. Britain hosted its first ever TV Prime Ministerial debate.

We’ve resisted following America down this particular route for some time now for a number of reasons. Firstly the politicians do not as a rule want it. Any debate requires the agreement of the sitting Prime Minister and for the most part he will be reluctant to elevate competitors onto his level.

Of course on this occasion the rules are different. Gordon Brown is lagging badly at the polls. Some had him trailing by double digits prior to the debate last night.

However, there is another more important reason. Elections in the USA are pure entertainment. In 2008 we had everything: Pigs with lipstick, rogue preachers, plus the genuine fear that at least one of the candidates might be assassinated. The debates were therefore moments of pure theatre.

Here it was all dreadfully low key. We had no gaffs, no fireworks and no moments of drama. Instead what we got was a serious debate on the issues of the day.

Where was the fun in that? Certainly the media seemed at a loss in the aftermath.

With no game changing moment they were forced to concentrate on other questions. For some it was the emergence of Nick Clegg who, according to most instant polls, won the debate.

BBC Breakfast, meanwhile, led with a minute examination of the candidates’ body language. Nick Clegg apparently has his hand in his pockets – a sign, so we’re told, of insincerity.

Gordon Brown still does that irritating trick with his bottom lip and David Cameron does indeed have the shiniest face known to man.

So, all in all, there was nothing new. However, let’s not be too disappointed. There are still three more debates still to come – plenty of time for someone to do something outrageous.

The idea is for this bank to provide capital for charities and other organisations working for the social good. It will follow a fund of funds format and the government has pledged £75m to get it started. It will also approach private individuals to provide further funds.

Overall the charity sector welcomed the move as another sign of the growing prevalence of social investment in the mainstream. Since the financial crisis interest in social or ethical financial instruments has grown substantially.

Major players in this sector argue they can match and in some cases surpass the performance of traditional structures, thanks to their avoidance of so called toxic assets that got us into this trouble in the first place.

Firm evidence for this is hard to find, but in a sense it doesn’t matter. Part of the motivation for these structures is to provide a benefit to society. As such it attracts those parties interested in something more than just pure profit.

However, whether it will progress further into the mainstream remains to be seen. The weaknesses of a profit obsessed business culture have been displayed all too clearly in the last two years. Even so there are signs that few lessons have been learnt.

The financial community seems to harbour genuine hopes that it can be business as usual. If that’s the case then the prospect of a socially conscious business community could remain very distant.

The reaction was predictably furious, a torrent of Twitter fueled abuse aimed at the BBC’s latest recruit. Everyone it seemed had been caught on the hop. Suffice to say if you had a tenner on this at Ladbrookes you are now probably reading this from your recently acquired yaucht just off Monty Carlo.

In truth we should not be surprised. It simply follows the Beeb’s recent trend of doing its utmost to alienate all of its core fans: Chris Evans for Terry Wogan; that kid from Newsround for the Grand Prix and turning the weekly review of the Championship into an episode of Points of View.

Some may be horrified, but I applaud it. Rarely have we seen a broadcaster proceed with such reckless disregard for common sense. You have to admire them if nothing else.

However it’s not only the BBC that has been affected. All of TV land seems to have been struck down by a similar malaise as anyone who’s witnessed the weekly car crash that is Live From Studio Five will confirm.

What could be the cause? Is this a mystery virus, a sinister terrorist plot to destroy television – or could it just be that the people who work in television are just not the sharpest tools in the box? You decide.